Michael's birthday

My brother, Michael, would have been 50-years-old today. It seems surreal. I often wonder what he would have been like if he would have lived to see this day. I miss him. He was a gentle spirit who had a really tough time in this world.

He died at the age of 29 after spending six months in a coma as a result of a bicycle accident. It was his fault. He crossed the street in front of a car. The impact of the collision landed him on his head. He was wearing a helmet but they can only do so much.

So many feelings are rushing through my head tonight. When the accident happened, he was just starting to get his life together. School was not for him. When I read his old letters, I realize that it's pretty certain that he had a learning disability that was never diagnosed. It doesn't surprise me that he never graduated from high school.

Mike was going to be a chef. He was cooking in a fancy hotel, taking culinary classes, living with my husband and me while he tried to save enough money to get his own place. I still have the enormous knives he used in the hotel kitchen. Because he was so tall, the knives are huge. The thought of actually being able to use them makes me laugh. I want to think that he would have finished the culinary program he was doing so well at and gone on to greatness. Maybe he would have a restaurant of his own now. He'd have named it "Michael's."

He's been gone for 21 years. It seems impossible that that much time has passed. Happy Birthday, Mike. I really wish you were here to celebrate. I'd have had a party for you and everything.